I dreamt of a blue adventure
With Backscatter off the isle of Bonaire
I’d be taught about taking great photos
And even video, if I would but dare. 

I was encouraged to join the shootout,
Where I’d be put right through my paces,
And I’d learn to shoot the pretty fish
In front of their negative spaces.
 
But that dream was soon demolished
It was crushed like it did not matter
For I had been enlisted in 2 weeks of hell
Led by the pros out of Backscatter.

We had to wake before the sun rose,
Ate breakfast while lugging our gear,
Loaded the boat each morn as the isle awoke,
When all we wanted was a snack and a beer. 

Let’s not forget ‘bout Sarg Decker,
Who abhorred an improper crop,
And who hated seeing bad shadows
‘cause you didn’t put “One over the top”.

I’ll never not remember the Apehanger,
I’ll Princess Leia my rig when I splash
I’ll plan to shoot that priceless shot
That I’ll miss ‘cause my heads up my ass. 

For we had homework each day to accomplish,
Big Jim had made that quite clear,
Find your own beautiful background,
And fish will approach, don’t you fear.

In the distance a pinnacle glistened,
With more fish than Decker’s best dream,
But by the time I got it in focus,
The last freakin’ fish had fled the scene.

But I did not get discouraged,
Nor did I let my attention run free,
I had to but get a new target,
And the fishies would then rush to me.

So I sat and I thought and I waited,
A perfect background focused up by my lens.
Would it be a squid, or a turtle that would grace my space
And show me all of his friends?

I waited and watched my computer,
My air dying as fast as my wish,
But the only thing that passed in front of my reef
Was sand turds out the end of a fish. 

So then, I shifted to macro,
Where my target’s all tiny and slim,
It’s F22, and a two hundredth,
Quite easy, according to Jim.

But then when you’ve F’d up your lighting,
And One strobe over the top didn’t quite hit,
Jim says, Go grab your cone of black plastic,
And just Snoot the hell out of that shit.

We owe great thanks to the Penners,
Jen and Joel are the courageous couple most dear,
Who travel the world with their cameras,
And capture images that most others would fear.

Joel, the shootout webmaster,
With drones flying dry and cameras quite wet,
Will amaze you because in a hour,
He’ll have created a gem – now that’s a safe bet.

And Jenn, she’s solid and stable,
A calming voice in the cave’s daily storm.
Bringing us all back to reality,
When all of our pictures seem terribly wrong.

And speaking of happy couples,
how ‘bout the two that’s the talk of the java?
No, I’m not talking about Berk and Christina,
But the pair that’s hotter than lava?

They share a bedroom on travel,
And finish each others thought,
Of course it’s Todd and it’s Hergen,
Just don’t mention spilled milk on their cot!

But their images are amazing,
They inspire us all to think “Maybe I can!”
It’s no wonder that they’re world ambassadors
For the best housings, the black Nauticams!

And speaking of them, we have Vicki, who traveled furthest
All the way from Hong Kong,
And shared with us the coolest wild video,
That she edited while smoking a bong. 

Becca was seen for a moment,
After muling in lithium beneath TSA eyes,
But she had to quickly return to the backscatter shop,
To dispel the mayhem from “Lord of the Flies”.

Where would we be without great technicians,
Unsung heroes Thomas and James,
Solving problems were their mantras,
Making it look easy were their games.

But did you know that Berk had them sequestered
Forced to work ‘round the clock in the shed?
He’d let them come out for test dives and supper,
Then marched ‘em home and chained ‘em to beds.

Let us not forget lovely Christina,
Our social media contact pro,
Who communicates with Gen X-ers
As all us dinosaurs just say “Whoa!”

“You want us to generate content,
That will disappear after one view?”
Us old dogs are saying “That’s crazy,
And we can’t possibly learn something that new.”

This trip would have been chaos without a Maestro
Coordinating all so that we could learn and achieve
So a big thanks goes out to Dan the Director,
Who can relax after we all finally leave. 

He’ll get to welcome in his family,
With 2 daughters excited to dive,
With the youngest earning her c-card,
Right after they land and arrive.

Erin, our Lightroom Classic Royal Queen,
Who’s manipulation of the pixilated screen,
Leaves us all in awe of her majesty,
Her mystical powers that translate our dreams.

With but a few clicks, a tweak and a mask or two,
She’ll correct our worse shots with aplomb,
She deletes backscatter with magic,
Leaving us all feeling stupid and numb.

Then as we sit in our stupor,
Admiring her created great art,
She undoes all of her magical work,
Leaving us all right back at the start.

“Now do it yourself”, she’ll say with a grin,
Tis easy as eating a pie,
“Just drop in a good white balance,
Kill the cyan, and highlight the eye”.

Our inspirational leader is Cristian,
The crazy medicine man from Brazil,
Whom inspired us all daily by example,
With words and images that tingled and chilled.

If he had his own spirit animal,
It’d be no little pup that could tire,
But he’d be sharing his soul with a mystical beast,
Like a flying dragon that kept breathing fire.

And Berk, F’ing Berk – Legend Walking.
Who’s got the skills so incredibly hot
That James Bond shakes HIS martini,
And turtles beg HIM to be shot.

He’s finally admitted his secret passion,
One that he’s telling his friends and his fam,
He’s just signed into the 21st century,
And is now posting shit on Instagram.

Remember, they’d be no Backscatter without BS,
Without the BS, it’s all just ack catter.
So save yourself some grief, and bring your BS to Berk,
And he’ll then show you what truly does matter!

So as we wind down this shindig of awesomeness
Join me in a toast as I gladly cheer out,
Thank you Staff for all you’ve done
Throughout this entire Shootout.